Childhood Obesity Articles

What Not to Say When Talking to a Child about Weight

By Stefanie Hamilton

Childhood obesity has reached epidemic proportions in the United States. It is estimated that nearly 20 percent of young people are overweight or obese, and studies have found that 70 percent of overweight teenagers become overweight adults.

According to the Mayo Clinic, overweight and obesity are associated with myriad health issues, including diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure and sleep disorders.

Because the health and emotional risks of being overweight and obese are so serious, helping your children control their weight is important. If weight is an issue with your children, you'll need to talk to them.

But how you talk to your children about weight is just as important as what you tell them. Here are some of the things you should never do when talking to your children about their weight:

Don't Make Accusations

While finger pointing or assigning blame for your child's weight may be motivated by your desire to correct unhealthy behavior, it rarely works. You may be tempted to blame your child for spending too much time in front of the TV, or your spouse for letting the kids eat too much junk food. Even if you're right, such a negative approach will only put your child on the defensive.

Don't Use Guilt or Shame

Making your child feel ashamed of or guilty about their weight will cause similar defensive reactions. Telling your child they should be ashamed or asking questions like, "How can you eat so much junk food?," aren't productive. Furthermore, the hard truth is that eating habits are learned. If your child's habits are unhealthy, they picked them up somewhere -- likely at home.

Don't Use Fear

This one is tricky. On one hand, you want your child to know that there are consequences -- some of them serious -- to being overweight or obese. On the other hand, you don't want to use those facts to scare your child. Fear-motivated changes only last as long as the fear. You want your child to develop healthy habits that last their entire life, and that won't happen if you resort to scare tactics.

Don't Use Manipulation

You may be tempted to resort to forms of manipulation if your child isn't interested in changing their eating or exercise habits. Unfortunately, like the "fear factor," manipulation will only work for so long, and your child could end up resenting you. Avoid phrases such as, "if you love me," "if you want to hang out with your friends" or "if you want people to like you." Manipulation can come in the form of questions, too: "Don't you want to be popular?" "Don't you care about how you look?" Questions like these should be avoided. Think through your words carefully.

Don't Set a Bad Example

This may be the hardest "don't" rule of all. You can say all the right things, but still do some of the wrong things. If you complain about your own weight or body shape, you're sending a message to your child about body dissatisfaction. Similarly, try not to complain about eating healthy or exercising. If you don't feel like exercising, turn it around and comment, instead, on exercise's benefits.

Whatever you do ultimately say to your child about weight, make sure you are instilling healthy dietary and exercise habits while promoting self-confidence and a healthy body image. What you tell your children when they are young are likely to stay with them well into adulthood.