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Although talking to your parents about things other than what's for dinner might feel like you're sitting across from St. Peter himself at the entrance to heaven accounting for every mistake you made since birth and trying desperately to win admittance, remember, these are the same people that you once ran to for a kiss on a bruised knee, a hug when your sucker fell on the floor, or on whom you depended to scare the monsters out from under the bed in the middle of the night. These are the only people in your life who you can count on to love you no matter what.
Many teens watch helplessly as their relationship with their parents deteriorates to the point where the lines of communication might seem irreparably damaged. Yet communication lines work both ways. It's not always only mom and dad who clam up and can't talk when talking becomes difficult. It's usually your fault, too.
Even though it often seems like parents become complete strangers who fail to support or understand you once you have reached the teen years, your parents are struggling to find a way to communicate with you. And, just like you devote time to your friendships, talking, and hanging out, you need to devote time to your relationships with the adults in your life. Sure, it's not always easy, but if you consider that you are as much an alien to your parents as they are to you, realizing that the only way to make contact with other life forms is to communicate becomes far easier.
It's likely that, as you've gotten older, your relationship with your parents has started to feel like a sort of battleground. You need space to think and develop your own thoughts and way of doing things, and your parents insist that their way is the only way, or, at least, the best way. You might feel that your parents aren't listening to you or that they don't take you seriously. But, rest assured, your parents are probably feeling the same way.
The trick is to meet in the middle. Sure, they're the adults and you've always looked to them to make the right moves, but, if you're really interested in being taken seriously, you need to take some of the responsibility for communicating as well. Remember, the adults in your life have to make the transition from the all-knowing and all-seeing rulers of your life to more of a support system for you as you prepare to become an adult. This transition can be as tough for them as it is for you.
Here are some tips that can make it easier to talk to the adults in your life:
- Talk back. No, don't get sassy like a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum. Take an interest in your parents' lives. Sometimes it feels as if mom and/or dad are prying when they want to know what's going on with you, when they're probably just trying to talk to you. After all, when you're not sure which subjects are ok and which are not, you ask general questions, right? Ask your parents how their day was for a change. And, once you ask, listen to the answer. You might find that an entire conversation springs forth.
- Share. Sure you were taught how to share when you were in kindergarten, but it's possible that you neglect to extend this courtesy to your parents. Just like you once needed to know why the sky was blue and why cows really can't jump over the moon, your parents would like to know why you do what you do. Not hanging out with one of your friends anymore? It's ok, even encouraged, to share with your parents why you're not.
- Agree to disagree. There are times when you and your parents are just not going to see eye to eye. Being able to disagree with someone, yet respect their right to their own opinions, is a sign of growing up. Viewing your parents as controlling, nagging, and/or unfair, can be a lot harder than realizing that they are more likely caring, concerned, and just trying to do the right thing.
- Communicate with other adults. Sometimes it's just not easy to talk to your parents. You can still find an adult you trust to talk to. It's ok to talk to an aunt or uncle, a church member, or even a teacher when you have an important issue you need to talk about. Most adults are ok with keeping your discussions private if that's what you need.
Keeping the lines of communication open now, when there's nothing pressing to discuss, can make those tough subjects like sex, drugs, and other sensitive topics easier to talk about when the time comes.
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